20-year-old financially supports his mom, 28-year-old brother, and 2 younger siblings for years, family turns on him when he moves to pursue an internship in London: 'They all called me selfish'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 10, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

Some parents expect the world of one kid, while letting another sit on their rear end for years and years. It's one of those double standards that usually has no real explanation. Maybe the hardworking kid is naturally more predisposed to being hardworking, and the lazy kid is the same way with being lazy, but that doesn't explain the bad parenting. In that situation, the parent should let the hardworking kid do their thing and do everything possible to help the lazy kid overcome their laziness. If they push the hardworking kid to their breaking point and just the lazy kid fester in their ineptitude, they are doing both of them a disservice. 

Even if they are now officially adults, kids should not have to support their parents and siblings financially. That is the parents' job, and a parent who cannot run the household without the constant labor of one of their kids is not doing their job well. It doesn't matter if they have a child willing to work day and night for their family; this expectation shouldn't be placed on someone who isn't a parent to their siblings. 

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  • 01
    Young man in black and white checkered button up shirt
    via Matthew Lancaster

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The kid in this story has done more labor for his family in 20 years than his brother has probably ever done in his 28 years. He has been financially and emotionally supporting everyone in the house since he was a teenager, and now that he finally has a chance to get out, his family is infuriated. 

  • 02

    Am I the bad guy for leaving my family to fend for themselves?

    I (20m) am the middle child in a family that honestly feels like a case study for what family therapy tries to prevent. My mom's an alc lic with serious psychological issues and a bit of an Oedipus complex that even freud would throw his hands up at. My older brother (28) who is a
    via u/Casst_Dean
  • 03
    bit of an addict dropped out of college years ago and survives off debts and favors that usually i end up paying for. My teen sister can't even make her own breakfast, and my 12-year old brother (who's au tic) is probably the most emotionally mature person in the house.
    via u/Casst_Dean
  • 04
    A young man sitting in a chair looking at a cell phone
    via Joseph Sharp

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    Well, i'll be brief. Basically, I've been taking care of everyone for as long as I can remember. I don't want to sound like a victim, but it's the truth. When I was a teenager, I spent countless nights picking up my mother from "work events" where she would get dr nk until she passed out, urinate on herself, and start yelling at her coworkers. My older
    via u/Casst_Dean
  • 06
    brother constantly asked me for money to pay off his debts from buying marijuana, and my sister always came to me crying after another fight with my mother, or whenever she needed money for some "emergency” that turned out to be movie tickets.
    via u/Casst_Dean
  • 07
    A few weeks ago, I received the best news of my life: I was accepted into a scholarship and internship program in London. It was an incredible opportunity because it was something I had worked hard for while studying and working two jobs.
    via u/Casst_Dean
  • 08
    Big Ben London with double decker bus
    via Lucas Davies

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    I cried. I'm not even ashamed of it. For once, I felt that all the sacrifices and sleepless nights had been worth it. That night I told my family, foolishly expecting them to be proud of me. They weren't.
    via u/Casst_Dean
  • 10
    My mother basically asked me who would help her pay the bills when I left. Then she started yelling across the dining room. My older brother told me it must be easy for me to run off to Europe while leaving them to sink into the sh, and my sister accused me of abandoning her,
    via u/Casst_Dean
  • 11
    saying I had promised her I would always be there for her, and then brought up the mistakes I made when I was 16. Even my little brother called me an idiot, although I'm pretty sure he was just repeating what he had heard others say.
    via u/Casst_Dean
  • 12
    They all called me selfish. When I'm still the invisible pillar of this family. I don't earn much, but everything I have ends up in their hands somehow. I never thought about abandoning them or cutting off contact, but their reaction left me dismayed.
    via u/Casst_Dean
  • 13
    I've been selling my things, saving every penny, organizing my paperwork, and preparing to leave at the end of the year. None of them talk to me anymore. And honestly? This time, I'm not going to apologize for taking a chance or thinking about what they want.
    via u/Casst_Dean
  • 14
    But I can't help thinking about how much my family will fall apart if I leave (even though I'm not even thinking about leaving for good).
    via u/Casst_Dean
  • 15
    They don't even talk to me and they spend their time talking sh about me. Honestly, the one I'm most worried about is my younger brother, it's not his fault. So IMTA?
    via u/Casst_Dean
  • 16
    BGS2204 Honey run don't walk to the nearest exit! When you are done with your stint in London get employment at least one or more states away. If you feel guilty send a hundred dollars now and then, maybe go back at Christmas if you feel the need but you have paid your dues.
    via u/BGS2204
  • 17
    Beautiful-Way-2259 This. You don't owe them anything and you've paid more than your fair share financially, emotionally and mentally. It's time to be a little selfish and you shouldn't feel ashamed of that. Sometimes you have to tell yourself enough is enough and put yourself first for a change. Trust me, it'll be the best decision you'll make. NTA. Not even a little bit.
    via u/Beautiful-Way-2259
  • 18
    Helen_A_Handbasket It's time to be a little selfish Except it's not even being selfish. It's growing up and establishing your own life. That's what he's supposed to do. NTA
    via u/Helen_A_Handbasket
  • 19
    Imaginary_Fondant_31 Also take safeguards to ensure they don't sabotage your opportunity.
    via u/Imaginary_Fondant_31
  • 20
    KatzAKat NTA. Go and enjoy your life. You're not responsible for your mother or your siblings. Lock down everything you have and need going forward. Get your documents in a safe place, your birth certificate, social security card and passport. Don't leave them where they can disappear or get destroyed or lost.
    via u/KatzAKat
  • 21
    Get a new bank account at a new bank, especially if any of them bank at the same bank and if any of them have ever been or are currently attached to your accounts. Change your passwords to something they won't figure out. Protect yourself. Lock down your credit information and SSN. Google how to do this. Your mother has your SSN and can use it when she wants to.
    via u/KatzAKat
  • 22
    Anything you cherish around the house needs to be someplace safe. You may need to get a small storage area so you can protect your stuff. I'm sorry to say but your relatives all sound like people who will do what they can to keep you where they want you. Research the crab pot mentality to get an understanding of this dynamic. They don't want you to succeed as it will show them that they could have if they tried. You may want to look into Al-anon which is for relatives and loved ones of addicts.
    via u/KatzAKat
  • 23
    hitemlow Can also do what people in jail do: don't tell them the day you leave. Saboteurs will wait until the last days to try and ruin your escape. Tell them you leave in February when your flight is January 5th. Any plans they made for late January just fell through. Kinda sks for their childcare situation, but also keeps them from hiding your passport the day before.
    via u/hitemlow
  • 24
    notastraycat You are so NTA it's not even a question. You've been parentified and it's ab e. INFO: no father in the picture? Is there any relative that could check on younger brother? Or maybe a trusted neighbor or teacher? You worked hard and you deserve your success - go enjoy London! Also, your older brother needs to grow up.
    via u/notastraycat
  • 25
    Casst_Dean OP Thank u for the comment!, i'm a little nervous about London. I have been told many times that I have been parentified, but I didn't see it as too big of a problem until this situation. And no, my dad left home when I was about 2 years old. My younger sister and brother are childs of the man who was my stepfather for a while, who, by the way, kicked me out of the house when I was 16. But in the end, he also ended up leaving my mom because of his addictions and those of my older brot
    via u/Casst_Dean
  • 26
    DumpTruckSupremeDuck NTA It's your mother's responsibility to support the family. It is your older brother's responsibility to take care of himself. You are an adult. It is your responsibility to take care of yourself. I feel sorry for your younger siblings, but you shouldn't sacrifice yourself to do things others are responsible for. They rely on you because they are to lazy and spoiled to do for themselves and others. They will find a way to rely on themselves when you are gone.
    via u/DumpTruckSupremeDuck

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family drama internship brother mother siblings work London bad parenting bad parents family sibling sister mom money Parenting Fail brothers Parenting FAILS
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